Benny smelled the sulfur shortly before he met Samantha.
Two minutes before Hell opened up in Central Park, he had been leafing through the “7 Records for a Dollar” bin outside Fat Terry’s Music Emporium, looking for a rare Velvet Underground .45. He had been skipping his philosophy class when the sky turned black and the rivers ran thick with blood. Moments before his heart burst inside his chest like an aerosol can in a fire, he paused on the idea of the world ending on a Thursday.
But we’ve skipped too far ahead. Now his thick brown hair stuck to his forehead, and he undid the top button on his ironic polyester shirt (as the temperature had suddenly risen 10 degrees). An uneasiness set into his brow and gut; he sensed a loss of innocence in the air. For the duration of his newly onset anxiety, the sky began to darken, & consequently his hopes of making it back to his dorm in time for Friends did too. Where do I go from here? he thought, what have I done? and his green Puma’s began to pump the ground, quickly heading where they could only logically assume was away from certain destruction.
He had made it four and half steps before Samantha appeared muddled through the misery of smoke and panicked screams. She had red hair and sweat pants on, and like Benny (and the other 6 billion people on earth), was running nowhere. He recessed his alarm as they stopped abruptly to consider each other. Samantha had been doing laundry when she felt the earth quake beneath her feet. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.
It was love at first sight.
It was the end of the world.
It had been all of thirty seconds that time had stopped for the two accidental lovers, and in that time a disembodied voice chanting in an archaic language rang through the sky, and people dropped to their knees to pray amid ash and fire and death. The raptured ones approached the sky, naked, pumping their fists. Only mildly distracted by the chaos, Benny and Samantha cautiously approached each other until they were a mere five inches apart, and he reached for her hand. Instead of fear he felt calm; instead of sulfur she smelled his cheap cologne.
“It’s too bad,” she finally said, after yet another excruciating minute of staring.
“Not really,” he replied, and she knew exactly what he meant.
Two lovers in the midst of pandemonium. They lie down, facing one another on the pavement, coming to terms with the melancholy truth, and at the same time overcome by joy; staying still, with no reason to move. “I’ve found a reason to live, to die. To lie among chaotic rubble and sleep soundly.” He thought. “Fuck, I dominate at poetry. I should write that dow-oh......"
The fire began to rain harder, pounding the pavement, jumping at those still running. The disembodied voice grew unbearably loud, the praying and wails of those around them shrieked in pain and trepidation. Even 2 miles north of the hole to Hell, the wave of heat still struck the couple and singed their eyelashes. Now, without regret, they lie within the others’ gaze and felt complete and tranquil.
These were their Revelations. Love even vanquished death; it triumphed over fear and mercy.
“Thank you,” he shouted. The only other thing he would ever say to Samantha was: “I’ve never done anything like this.” He smiled through the mayhem.
They lay, burning, and melting among screams and sautéing flesh. “You are beautiful,” he thought, staring at her now quite literally flaming red hair and smoldering face, and she smiled. They were still only mildly concerned with the fact that they only had x-allotted time left. As long as they were together. He rested his forehead on hers, and they brought their knees together.
One minute later, all that was left of the human race were charred remains of 6 billion men and women. Two of them, on the northern tip of the island of what was once known as New York, lay together, their skin fused with heat, clothes burned off, and forming a perfect, indestructible diamond.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
the birthday gorilla
(written roughly sept 18th, 2002: my golden birthday)
I woke up this morning to the sound of a giant pink gorilla being inflated in my front lawn. My parents let me sleep in for the first time in twelve years of public schooling, and I can only assume they've planned this as if to say "Remember that fever you faked in 6th grade? BAHAHA! WELCOME TO HELL," though I wouldn't put it past two 50-something suburban high school teachers to think "What better way to commemorate the birth of your only living daughter than by hiring some stoned jerk wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt to put King Kong's blow-up girlfriend in the yard?"
Her great white teeth are still covered in dust from storage, but she grins at me nevertheless, unaware she should be self conscious. The grass soaks the bottoms of my socks slowly, as I stand in front of her, slack-jawed. Is this the physical manifestation of love, or embarrassment? I step on her foot, testing the thickness of her magenta skin to see if stabbing the monstrosity with my car keys is an option, but
unfortunately she's been sewn together with the old tires (the kind her closest relatives are swinging on at the zoo).
I stare into her cartoonish blue eyes, adorned by three eyelashes each, and contemplate: could this be more awkward for you? I wonder what it's like to be a rentable joke. Grabbing her hand, which is rough and pulsing with the air being pumped into her, I feel an affinity with the bikini clad primate. I hoist myself up on her knee, throw my leg around the pit of her elbow and, after only slipping twice, sit on her shoulder. We look out over the neighborhood together, and I appreciate her company.
The Monkey and I let our embarrassment cancel the other's out, and for just a moment, I feel like I'm not alone in a world full of helium birthday greetings. "What a thing to identify with," I whisper in her ear, and her bouncing head affirms my suspicion that she feels the same way. "We're both losers," I sigh, pressing my entire face into her enormous, rough head, but jerk back immediately.
A revelation.
"They're going to make me take a picture with it"
I slide down and laid in the grass bemoaning my own existence before realizing I was being a cliche, and sullenly marched inside for an english muffin.
I woke up this morning to the sound of a giant pink gorilla being inflated in my front lawn. My parents let me sleep in for the first time in twelve years of public schooling, and I can only assume they've planned this as if to say "Remember that fever you faked in 6th grade? BAHAHA! WELCOME TO HELL," though I wouldn't put it past two 50-something suburban high school teachers to think "What better way to commemorate the birth of your only living daughter than by hiring some stoned jerk wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt to put King Kong's blow-up girlfriend in the yard?"
Her great white teeth are still covered in dust from storage, but she grins at me nevertheless, unaware she should be self conscious. The grass soaks the bottoms of my socks slowly, as I stand in front of her, slack-jawed. Is this the physical manifestation of love, or embarrassment? I step on her foot, testing the thickness of her magenta skin to see if stabbing the monstrosity with my car keys is an option, but
unfortunately she's been sewn together with the old tires (the kind her closest relatives are swinging on at the zoo).
I stare into her cartoonish blue eyes, adorned by three eyelashes each, and contemplate: could this be more awkward for you? I wonder what it's like to be a rentable joke. Grabbing her hand, which is rough and pulsing with the air being pumped into her, I feel an affinity with the bikini clad primate. I hoist myself up on her knee, throw my leg around the pit of her elbow and, after only slipping twice, sit on her shoulder. We look out over the neighborhood together, and I appreciate her company.
The Monkey and I let our embarrassment cancel the other's out, and for just a moment, I feel like I'm not alone in a world full of helium birthday greetings. "What a thing to identify with," I whisper in her ear, and her bouncing head affirms my suspicion that she feels the same way. "We're both losers," I sigh, pressing my entire face into her enormous, rough head, but jerk back immediately.
A revelation.
"They're going to make me take a picture with it"
I slide down and laid in the grass bemoaning my own existence before realizing I was being a cliche, and sullenly marched inside for an english muffin.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
pulsars
Bob thought about pulsars on his back, staring at the night sky in the Cosco parking lot from the back of his pick-up truck. 279 million light years away, a pulsar wondered about Bobs in the deafening silence of space. Questions, it seemed, were what made up the space between Bob and his pulsar. If questions are space and space is questions, "What", thought both of them, "are the answers?"
Black holes.
Conincidentally, at the same moment Bob and the pulsar debated the others' existance, respective anti-matter ripped through them. All that was protested from Bob and the pulsar was a distant "oh", stretching from here to nowhere.
Black holes.
Conincidentally, at the same moment Bob and the pulsar debated the others' existance, respective anti-matter ripped through them. All that was protested from Bob and the pulsar was a distant "oh", stretching from here to nowhere.
yearbooks
04/01/2010
my senior year of high school I had a great group of friends, a lot of activities, the perfect boyfriend, a shitty car. I had Jackson Meeker, a tall doughy buddhist from Athens, Georgia who has gone on to become a social worker, married, living in the suburbs with his high school sweetheart. We don’t keep in touch as often as I think we thought we would. He wrote possibly my favorite thing I’ve ever had written to or for me. And there’s a lot of stuff, friends.
He wrote:
One day I will open these pages in this book with my children, this book with a tye-dyed front because we let the ugly girls run yearbook this year, and I will point to your picture and say “I know Meredith Kachel. I knew her when she was a scrappy lass.”
And my children will say “THIS IS STUPID WE HATE YOU DAD!” and I will weep and insist on family counseling. But none of that matters, because I knew Meredith Kachel. And my kids are fags.
Jackson.
I like remembering our relationship like that. Young and funny and strong.
Lately (I say lately as if I haven’t been obsessing about this since I was 8 years old) I’ve been thinking about epitaphs, eulogies, obituaries, wedding speeches. The summarizing of a relationship with someone while maintaining a straight face, an effective air of poignancy and sentimentality. The moments I look forward to in life will happen when I’m gone. And let’s face it, I’ll probably never get married.
I just wish I could get it all in writing.
Those friends drifted, the activities took a backseat to work, booze, and school, the boyfriend killed himself, and the car was smashed to pieces in Madison. but I’ve still got pen to ink that proves that existed, if only briefly.
my senior year of high school I had a great group of friends, a lot of activities, the perfect boyfriend, a shitty car. I had Jackson Meeker, a tall doughy buddhist from Athens, Georgia who has gone on to become a social worker, married, living in the suburbs with his high school sweetheart. We don’t keep in touch as often as I think we thought we would. He wrote possibly my favorite thing I’ve ever had written to or for me. And there’s a lot of stuff, friends.
He wrote:
One day I will open these pages in this book with my children, this book with a tye-dyed front because we let the ugly girls run yearbook this year, and I will point to your picture and say “I know Meredith Kachel. I knew her when she was a scrappy lass.”
And my children will say “THIS IS STUPID WE HATE YOU DAD!” and I will weep and insist on family counseling. But none of that matters, because I knew Meredith Kachel. And my kids are fags.
Jackson.
I like remembering our relationship like that. Young and funny and strong.
Lately (I say lately as if I haven’t been obsessing about this since I was 8 years old) I’ve been thinking about epitaphs, eulogies, obituaries, wedding speeches. The summarizing of a relationship with someone while maintaining a straight face, an effective air of poignancy and sentimentality. The moments I look forward to in life will happen when I’m gone. And let’s face it, I’ll probably never get married.
I just wish I could get it all in writing.
Those friends drifted, the activities took a backseat to work, booze, and school, the boyfriend killed himself, and the car was smashed to pieces in Madison. but I’ve still got pen to ink that proves that existed, if only briefly.
From My 7th Grade Diary
day 1 March 29, 1999
Hi! This is my first day writing in you. Cool! I’m wearing a new hat (there is a drawing of a hat). It’s awsome. I have a test tommorow in SS on latin. Mrs. Schutt is really nice. So’s Mr. Cramer. I think Mrs. Riha’s cool even though no one else does. Okay. I’m out of room. Bye
day 2 March 30, 1999
Hey. I’m bummed. My report card came back and I got yelled at for having a C+ in SS. Bummer. Now I hate Mrs. Schutt. She gonna tell my mom tommarow that I talk to much and I hate her for that. I hope she dies. Slowly. No wait. Fast and painful
ay 3 April 1, 1999
Hi! Today, I died! April Fools! I love this holiday! Yesterday I went to go see 10 Things I Hate About You. I could tell you 10 things I hated about that movie. Man it sucked. I came home and me + mom went shopping and I got all this cool stuff. Spring Break! Yee-haw! Movies everyday! Sadly, farwell
day 4 April 2, 1999
Ca Pasa? I’m cleaning my room today. What a pain in the ASS! Plus I got my braces tightened. Ow. I miss Col. Don’t know where that came from. My ma keeps barging into my room so I put a bunch of signs on my door. I’m listening to my Wayne’s World cd. K’. Bye.
day 5 April 4, 1999
Hey! Didja ever think about dyin’? It’s so final. And scary. Today is Easter. I got a singing bunny and hair clips and other candy things. Tommarow we go to Kentucky to visit reletives. I’ll take you along. I love you. And Joel. Woo-boy
day 6 April 5, 1999
Hey! We’re at Cele’s house. It’s really BORING. But I’m watching The Simpson and Krusty just didn’t commit suicide. Well he pretended to. Okay. I’m so bored. But my hair looks really cool. K’. Bye.
day 7 April 11, 1999
Hi. I’m worried that there isn’t a heaven. I mean, what happens when we die? Freaky. Life is insegnificent. We just have to make the best and most of it. i like clothes (there is a smiley face drawn here). If I could have 3 wishs 1. Rich and beautiful 2. Travel back in time 3. Heaven
day 8 April 15, 1999
Whoa! Kyle B likes me! Whoa! He’s an 8th grader! Whoa! He’s cute! Whoa! It’s so…………..Yes! Yee-haw! I just got done babysitting the froydma kids, Linsey + Zach. Cute. I got 10 bucks. Whoa! Good day. Tommarow better! Love you
day 9 April 18, 1999
Hello! Today we went to Dekalb for Sean’s comfermation. Maggie wasn’t there, but she lives three hours away in Stevens Point. Oh no! I didn’t get my English for our newspaper project! Oh no! Well, I gotta run, okay? Bye! Happy!
day 10 April 21, 1999
Yee-haw! Tommarow we’re gonna trick Liz, and Me, Lillian and Jamie are gonna wear the same thing, eat the same thing and do everything the same! So funny! K’, love you so much!
day 11 May 27, 1999
Hey. Okay. Two things. I hate Mrs. Schutt and love Joel. But my mom’s gonna find out and it’s gonna be hell. SHIT! Okay had to let that out. Memorial Day Weekend TOMMAROW!
day 12 May 28, 1999
I hate my mom. I hate her! I’m gonna gerinte that she never finds out, the loser. I hate her. I’m gonna bobby trap my room.
day 13 June 8, 1999
Hey we got our yearbooks today! Joel signed mine “Thanx for being a great friend. I’ll come to see you in ITP ’99! Luv, Joel Nott 436 4317″ Yeah! I love him so much! I’m going to a grad party with him. I bet he asks me to dance! Well, bye
day 14 June 13, 1999
He didn’t ask me to dance. In fact he Jamie Henderson instead. Then he asked her out! After we had promised not to leave each others side the whole night. The littler bastered. I love him so much. I went to go hang out with Katrina F and Scott G and we all sulked that he left us. Then he had the nerve to come over a total of 9 seconds, say “You guys are ok. I’m gonna go find Jamie.” And leave us again! I <3 him.
day 15 June 15, 1999
Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel
day 16 June 16, 1999
Hey! I have a swim meet tonight! Oh no! Then I’m going to Megan’s to sleepover. Kelly’s going too. My mom f ound out about Joel. Damn. I love joel! Jessica was trying to find out the combo to this book. Bitch. I love Joel. Me!
day 17 June 20, 1999
Today was Father’s Day! I love my dad! He’s cool. I loev Joel. So beutiful + sweet + cute + nice + funny + great. If my friends ever read this their gonna think I’m crazy. Yup….crazy! Thank the lord for phones. Okay, I was thinking about him while I was reading tonight and how were gonna call each every week and, like, 10 seconds later the phone rang! Wow! It was neat! It was some lady for my mom! I love him. Smoochies! He’s gonna call! Ring! Waoa. Goodnight.
Hi! This is my first day writing in you. Cool! I’m wearing a new hat (there is a drawing of a hat). It’s awsome. I have a test tommorow in SS on latin. Mrs. Schutt is really nice. So’s Mr. Cramer. I think Mrs. Riha’s cool even though no one else does. Okay. I’m out of room. Bye
day 2 March 30, 1999
Hey. I’m bummed. My report card came back and I got yelled at for having a C+ in SS. Bummer. Now I hate Mrs. Schutt. She gonna tell my mom tommarow that I talk to much and I hate her for that. I hope she dies. Slowly. No wait. Fast and painful
ay 3 April 1, 1999
Hi! Today, I died! April Fools! I love this holiday! Yesterday I went to go see 10 Things I Hate About You. I could tell you 10 things I hated about that movie. Man it sucked. I came home and me + mom went shopping and I got all this cool stuff. Spring Break! Yee-haw! Movies everyday! Sadly, farwell
day 4 April 2, 1999
Ca Pasa? I’m cleaning my room today. What a pain in the ASS! Plus I got my braces tightened. Ow. I miss Col. Don’t know where that came from. My ma keeps barging into my room so I put a bunch of signs on my door. I’m listening to my Wayne’s World cd. K’. Bye.
day 5 April 4, 1999
Hey! Didja ever think about dyin’? It’s so final. And scary. Today is Easter. I got a singing bunny and hair clips and other candy things. Tommarow we go to Kentucky to visit reletives. I’ll take you along. I love you. And Joel. Woo-boy
day 6 April 5, 1999
Hey! We’re at Cele’s house. It’s really BORING. But I’m watching The Simpson and Krusty just didn’t commit suicide. Well he pretended to. Okay. I’m so bored. But my hair looks really cool. K’. Bye.
day 7 April 11, 1999
Hi. I’m worried that there isn’t a heaven. I mean, what happens when we die? Freaky. Life is insegnificent. We just have to make the best and most of it. i like clothes (there is a smiley face drawn here). If I could have 3 wishs 1. Rich and beautiful 2. Travel back in time 3. Heaven
day 8 April 15, 1999
Whoa! Kyle B likes me! Whoa! He’s an 8th grader! Whoa! He’s cute! Whoa! It’s so…………..Yes! Yee-haw! I just got done babysitting the froydma kids, Linsey + Zach. Cute. I got 10 bucks. Whoa! Good day. Tommarow better! Love you
day 9 April 18, 1999
Hello! Today we went to Dekalb for Sean’s comfermation. Maggie wasn’t there, but she lives three hours away in Stevens Point. Oh no! I didn’t get my English for our newspaper project! Oh no! Well, I gotta run, okay? Bye! Happy!
day 10 April 21, 1999
Yee-haw! Tommarow we’re gonna trick Liz, and Me, Lillian and Jamie are gonna wear the same thing, eat the same thing and do everything the same! So funny! K’, love you so much!
day 11 May 27, 1999
Hey. Okay. Two things. I hate Mrs. Schutt and love Joel. But my mom’s gonna find out and it’s gonna be hell. SHIT! Okay had to let that out. Memorial Day Weekend TOMMAROW!
day 12 May 28, 1999
I hate my mom. I hate her! I’m gonna gerinte that she never finds out, the loser. I hate her. I’m gonna bobby trap my room.
day 13 June 8, 1999
Hey we got our yearbooks today! Joel signed mine “Thanx for being a great friend. I’ll come to see you in ITP ’99! Luv, Joel Nott 436 4317″ Yeah! I love him so much! I’m going to a grad party with him. I bet he asks me to dance! Well, bye
day 14 June 13, 1999
He didn’t ask me to dance. In fact he Jamie Henderson instead. Then he asked her out! After we had promised not to leave each others side the whole night. The littler bastered. I love him so much. I went to go hang out with Katrina F and Scott G and we all sulked that he left us. Then he had the nerve to come over a total of 9 seconds, say “You guys are ok. I’m gonna go find Jamie.” And leave us again! I <3 him.
day 15 June 15, 1999
Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel
day 16 June 16, 1999
Hey! I have a swim meet tonight! Oh no! Then I’m going to Megan’s to sleepover. Kelly’s going too. My mom f ound out about Joel. Damn. I love joel! Jessica was trying to find out the combo to this book. Bitch. I love Joel. Me!
day 17 June 20, 1999
Today was Father’s Day! I love my dad! He’s cool. I loev Joel. So beutiful + sweet + cute + nice + funny + great. If my friends ever read this their gonna think I’m crazy. Yup….crazy! Thank the lord for phones. Okay, I was thinking about him while I was reading tonight and how were gonna call each every week and, like, 10 seconds later the phone rang! Wow! It was neat! It was some lady for my mom! I love him. Smoochies! He’s gonna call! Ring! Waoa. Goodnight.
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